• Family Heartbeat International
  • Family Heartbeat International
  • Family Heartbeat International

'Lethal Adults'

By Julia Rawlins

 

UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD issues can make a person "extremely" lethal in their adult lives and relationships. This according to chief executive officer of Family Heartbeat Ministries, Haynesley Griffith, who also believed a reflection of this could be seen in Barbados today.

 

Responding to questions posed by the SUNDAY SUN, Griffith said Barbados had a 98 per cent literacy rate, but still too many people were unable to deal with the hurt and pains of the past.

 

"A person's security level may be weak, but they may be intellectually strong and have millions of degrees, or be doctors, lawyers, priest, the education is sound, but when it comes to emotional strength, it is extremely poor as in most cases," Griffith said.

 

He added that this often resulted in many high profile people in society beating their spouse.

"Persons including priests, politicians, doctors and lawyers can be extremely violent and create problems in relationships. That is what we are seeing now," he said.

 

Commending Barbados' high educational rating, Griffith explained there were many people who believed they were educated and thought their emotional bank accounts were rich. "It is a mistake. Many build insecurities and bury emotional hurts and pain by pursuing education. They focus on it to top up their insecurities," he said.

 

He added that while the educational aspect was pushed forward, enough was not being done to deal with displaced anger. "A greater leverage needs to be given to look at preparing children for life and not just passing exams which will capture the emotional shortfalls," Griffith said. He said a person's security level determined how they resolved problems and issues with themselves and their partners.

 

"Self-esteem, if weak and paralyzed, will reflect on how a person relates to those who are close. If the foundation is weak, the structure will experience cracks," he said.

 

Griffith added that violence emerging from a relationship may have been triggered by something from a person's past. He used the example of a person who grew up with displaced anger towards their mother or father. If they commit a violent crime, it is likely to be against someone who looks like, behaves like, or reminds them of their parents. "If issues like these are not resolved, the person can be extremely, extremely lethal," the CEO warned.

 

Using another example, Griffith said a young woman in her late teens, early 20s, tended to go into a relationship giving 100 per cent, while the young man is not looking for commitment. Often she survives. The situation reverses when the young man in his mid-20s is ready to give 100 per cent and the female "dises" him. Some commit suicide, while others create other problems.

 

"Some don't always go the violent way, but some do. Some can move on depending on their security levels, some can't," he said. Griffith also noted that problems also started with parents who merely "deposited" children, and had no parenting skills nor were ready for the responsibility. He also highlighted parents whose desire was to train their children, but did not have the necessary know-how.

 

 

Julia Rawlins.

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